Week 1 Month 4 Weigh in and Pictures

I am down 31 lbs since i started. And i gave in and took pics. Not much change but it is for me. See the PJ pants im wearing??? I couldnt fit into them at all when i started.

First picture is this month! 

 This is month 3 start!

Not too much of a difference but i did put on the same shirt just not the pants and i tried to get a better picture of most of my body . Im getting there.

Here's my face- really not too much difference here

Picture here is from today ( no makeup on just me) i think my skin looks 10000 times better now then a month ago as well lol

This is from the beginning of month 3 

Trick or Treat?

Yep, it is almost Halloween. The time when the aisles are loaded with every type of candy you could ever DREAM of wanting to buy. {including my favorite candy corn taffy}

Every year I tell myself- "I will be skinny by Halloween so I can wear one of those cute, all be it slutty, costumes that I see all over the place" And it never.ever.happens.

Truth be told, it is one of the reasons I avoid going anywhere for Halloween. Parties, the bar, club, out whatever. I hate having to find a fat girl costume. Or make my own. My mom or grandma has made my costume for many years because NONE of the costumes I find for my size are either appropriate ( because even though I want to wear the slutty ones I will not subject myself or others to that) or they are down right UGLY. 

And it really sucks. Because I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween. It is one of my favorite times of the year. Im a sucker for a good horror movie and to be scared out of my mind. Love it. But I never want to partake in it anymore because of my size.

I feel like I am always on the trick end of the trick or treat. I always feel like I could be out there having so much fun, but my size restricts me from truly enjoying the fun.

This year is no different. I have lost some weight, but not enough to were I feel comfortable going to buy a cute costume. I know I can't be the only one that truly feels this way. Even if you are a good girl ( aka you know who you are) , there had to be a time in your life, deep down, you wanted to be bad for one night. I want to be bad.

Oh well, there is always next year.

Here's to a Halloween home handing out candy that I can't eat, and looking at everyone's kids dressed up in their cute costumes and wishing for the day when it is me, dressed up with my kid.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN
XOXO STEPHANIE

Shopping frustrations

Since I am in the middle of loosing weight, I have really wanted to avoid buying new clothing till I am down to a size I really need to do so.

Which is fine. Its winter. Sweatpants are the "in" thing right now.

However, if I wanted to buy new clothing, I couldn't do it at Wal-Mart. Why? Because apparently they think that all women over a size 12 want to wear unflattering mu-mu's and shapeless crap. Seriously. Have you looked at the selection of plus sized clothing there? Its sad!

And then on the other end, you have Lane Bryant- which while I do love their clothing, I can't afford to pay 70.00 for a pair of jeans. That's my water bill and a credit card bill.

Why can't there be a happy medium? I have honestly considered a time or two ( or 20), doing a plus sized clothing line for people that want style AND won't break the budget.

Listen up stores- women aren't all millionaires. We do enjoy being dressed up. But 90 percent of us have a budget, a very lean budget. You want to make money? Come up with a line that doesn't break the bank, but makes us look less like the good year blimp decided to go out to dinner.

xoxo
steph

Making "Healthier" Desserts

Everyone loves dessert. Some people even eat their dessert first. I have heard many a older lady say " Life goes by so fast, have dessert first!"

And I have had my dessert first. Second. Thirds.... you get the picture.

I am not a sweets person by nature. I would rather eat a bowl of pasta ( or three) then have some cake. Even growing up, I would not eat a lot of my own birthday cake. ( but I would eat the frosting... yum!) But as I have gotten older, I have really started to enjoy baking. And making homemade goodies for my husband and friends.

Most cake mixes call for oil. Here's a quick tip for some of you that want to indulge in your family dessert after dinner with the kids and hubby- substitute the oil for applesauce. Not only is it much healthier ( make sure its unsweetened), but it makes your cake moist!

Try it!

xoxo
Steph

Food IS an addiction

Hi my name is Stephanie, and I am addicted to eating bad food.

If someone tells you that food is not an addiction, they need to do some research. It is. There is a group called Overeaters Annon. ( and I am not poking fun with my post its a serious issue). Some people just can not control what they eat. Its like drinking, or gambling, its an addiction and they need help.

I am personally thankful that mine never got to that point. I do know someone that did. And unfortunately, he would NOT get help. After begging, pleading, telling him he was going to die, nothing worked.

I love food. And really any kind of food I will eat. But I was not blessed with a high metabolism. And I am also addicted to bad food- fried food, lots of creamy pasta, bread and butter.... oh me. I love it.

This weekend I really did NOT watch what I ate. I had pizza. I had cheese sticks. I had 2 donuts. I had mac and cheese. All in one day. And normally I would beat myself up over it, and go "Well crap there goes my hard work." but this time I have told myself "Hey you had your fun day now back to work."

Everyone has issues. Everyone has an off day.

I start week 3 of month THREE this week!!!! And I am going to kick butt. I am looking for more healthy recipes. I dont want to say "diet" b/c I will not deprive myself of things. I am just looking for healthier options. And  I am sure I am going ot have to tweak some of these myself.

Stay tuned for recipes and more. I want to meet my first LARGE goal by next summer.

Steph

Finding Comfort in (Comfort) Food

When I was younger, like Jr. High/High School aged, If I would have a bad day, I would come home, grab the bag of chips, and proceed to eat the entire bag. I wouldn't even THINK about what I was doing.

Until I was done.

Then, I would feel like such a pig. I would literally get so mad at myself. And call myself fat. And berate myself, put myself down. It was a vicious cycle.

Then I would SWEAR and promise myself that no more.I would change. I would work out to work it off. Did it ever happen? Maybe once out of 7 days.

As I grew up even more, into young adulthood, and even into married life, things never changed. The cycle kept on and on. I felt like a failure each time it happened. I would then make deals with myself. With God. With whoever would listen ( usually the cats) that I would change the next day. But I never did.

Food has always been my comfort and go to "thing" when I am down and depressed. But the problem with that is I am also an emotional eater. When I am happy, I want to eat. When I am celebrating, I want to eat. I take comfort in food. And while that it is not a bad thing, when done in moderation, I did not watch what I did. I just continued on this cycle.

I still catch myself going to food late at night when I am bored. Knowing good and well I am not hungry I am just bored and can't sleep. It's something that I struggle with daily.

So I KNOW where you are coming from. If you need to, hit me up to talk when you are bored and want to eat. When you are sad and want to eat. I would love to be here for you.

Xoxox
Stephanie