McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut

Remember that song? The one you used to sing in elementary school?

I have it running through my head 24/7. All I want to do is go to them and pig out. Its like I cant get my brain to shut up about fast food.

I am in month 3 and just started week 2. I have lost 21 lbs. I am putting a picture of what I started at my heaviest and what I am now. Sorry for the craptastic picture but I am not a photographer. And excuse my kitten Roxy, who apparently was watching me while taking said picture.

This is me at my heaviest on my (free ahem) trip to the Dominican Republic from Scentsy. I was 320 lbs here. (omg I just said that didn't I !)

This is me now at right around 298 lbs ( yes im posting it and its terrifying but i dont give a damn anymore) Im tired of hiding behind my weight. I know i can do this. And i have to be willing to put myself out there!!!

And of my face

Please excuse me, its 1:30 am and i have no make up on lol And again cat in the back. haha

Anyways i just wanted to give a visual update. I hope to have another one at the end of October

xoxo
steph

Surviving the Road Trip

Its inevitable. You are going to have to leave your house and leave to go on vacation, a road trip, to your aunt frannies house, at some point in your life. It happens. And when you are on a diet, you dread the "how am I going to eat on this trip" and stick to what you have done so far.

I was seriously {seriously} concerned. I do NOT do well when I am away from my house. Especially being away and BROKE. But I managed to do it. I feel this, for me at least, is a HUGE pat on the back.

I took my meal bars with me. I took apples. I took 2 peanut butter sandwiches.Water. And I made it work.

I had breakfast before I left. I had an apple for a snack. I had water.

Lunch I had a meal bar and then a peanut butter sandwich.

Dinner, was another story. We went out to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. So many choices. So much I wanted to give into and eat. But I stuck with a safe choice- Salad. BUT not all salad's are created equal. Alot of them have a ton of dressing on it. I knew this was going to happen. But I want to enjoy my dinner. I opted to leave off the spiced pecans ( b/c I looked up the calories and it was shaving over over 200 for just 1 oz and because well ick lol) so my dinner was still around 700 calories. But It was ok. I was within my range for the day. That's one thing that I think a lot of people need to understand. Just because you are changing the way you eat, does not mean you can not enjoy something every now and then.

I did great on day 2. which allowed me to have a birthday cupcake at the Post at Play event I was at. And I WANTED that cupcake. I mean, who wouldn't?

Day 3 headed home was decent as well. I did opt to eat at McDonalds on the way home with everyone else. BUT instead of getting something huge and large, I got the snack wrap only. No fries ( which was very hard b/c I am a fry addict). And then when I got home because I was exhausted and had over 800 calories still available, we had taco bell. I just had crunchy tacos. ( ok so i had several crunchy tacos but i was tired. and hungry. and sunburnt)

All in all i never once went over my calories and actually stayed under my goal by quite a bit 2 of the 3 days. I call that a success in my book!

Almost to the end of month three week one. Its not getting any easier. I do not care what anyone says. When you are overweight, it is ALWAYS hard. Its full of temptations. I am just choosing to try and overcome them. One day at a time.

xoxo
Steph

Month 3

This is going to be a challenge. Not only did I start month 3 off today, but I am leaving for 3 days to go out of town to Houston for something with one of my companies I work for....

Which usually means fast food heaven!

Its usually a given. You go out of town, on a long drive ( in our case 8 hours) and you have not many options. Most people won't go the length to pack a lunch, or snacks, that would help them. But not this girl.

Or at least, thats what I am attempting to do.

I have :
Apples
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches
Water
Isagenix meal bars

I am eating breakfast before I leave at 5 am. Lunch will be one of the bars. And we are going to eat dinner somewhere. I have asked as long as we have somewhere that has a salad.

Tuesday night is going to be a challenge. Its Perfectly Posh's birthday and they have goodies. So I have decided I will participate but I will NOT over indulge. I will bring me an apple and some of my Isagenix chocolate w/ green tea to keep me going.

I am determined to make this work. I have come so far, but I know I am human.

Not to mention, this weekend I have a vendor event where I will want to have a cupcake. And I am going to have that as my treat. So this week I have to be good.

Wish me luck!
Stephanie

First Goal- made it... but not without a struggle

I am human. I wish I could say " Oh I lost 15 lbs in my first month and didn't change a thing about what I did."

And anyone that tells you otherwise is either full of crap, wants to sell you something, or is blessed out the wazoo. I am none of this. I am honest. It is HARD WORK. Anyone that tells you there is a miracle pill, diet, drink, incantation ... whatever it is and you do not have to work with it (exercise) is dishonest. I am sorry if this makes anyone mad... well no really I am not. Why lie to people? Why?!? Not only does it make you look bad, and makes me distrust anything that comes out of your mouth, but it hurts those that need the help.

I have 2 days left of my first two months and finally hit my 15 lbs mark. And it was HARD. All I did was thinking about, dream about, fast food. And cupcakes. And donuts. 24/7 I feel like all I wanted to do was just eat and tell myself " Well tomorrow's another day..." Because that is all I have done in the past. Screwed up one day, told myself I could just start again the next day, and then let it slide. Its a bad cycle.

So with that being said i have met my first goal of 15 lbs.

And i have finally gotten off my butt and walked my first mile.

Im exhausted.

Taco bell... my love.... where have you gone

Its almost 9 pm. I have had my dinner, and a snack, and drank plenty of water to fill me up.

I am not hungry. My stomach tells me so.

But my brain, oh my brain tells me otherwise. It tells me "You need that Taco Bell. Its just a taco or two. Go on, you have had a rough day. " This is what has been going through my brain for the past hour. Seriously. I keep stopping to pick up the phone, text my husband, tell him " Hey um so on your way home how about getting me some Taco Bell."

And then I stop. And I tell myself NO NO NO. Not only do you not need it, but you are not hungry. Its just your cravings kicking in. I want it. I want it bad. I want to just call up Taco Bell and tell them to put one of everything on their menu on order and Ill be there in a jiffy to pick it up.

I hate nights like this. I am so frustrated. Especially since today was an overall bad eating day in general. I have been craving anything and everything my fingers can get ahold of. I have went over my calorie goal by 600 calories today. In my defense i did clean which burned 702 calories so I actually still have calories left that I am supposed to consume ( not burn off) in a day.

And I try to ration with myself that I have these extra calories and they are there for me to consume. With Taco Bell of course. Its rational. It is reasonable.

I hate nights like this. Nights I wish i was already at my goal weight so i could just give in and have that Taco Bell. Its not one of those " Oh you have to indulge a little" days either. I have already indulged too much today. Im not depriving myself of anything, because I know its not good for me for one, and I know i dont need it for another. I just want it.

I think it might be bedtime. Otherwise I might start chewing on my couch. :/

Motivation... what's that???

I have none of this so called motivation to get up and walk. Work out. Do my turbo fire.

Zero.
Zilch.

And I have no idea why. Oh wait yes I do! Because I will look like what jello looks like when you take it out and jiggle it. Before anyone gets all upset going " You shouldn't make fun of yourself" why not? Its the truth. Its my fear. I hate the gym. I hate committing to the gym. Why? Well one because I am broke and can't afford it. But the main reason is that I hate going when people are there. I just know I am being watched. Its unnerving. I honestly think I have mild panic attacks when I go.

I need motivation. But where do I find it. I want it. I can hear it in my brain telling me that I need it. But I just wont take the next step.

I am tired of all these blogs and all these facebook posts going on and on about how much they did and how great they feel and "Oh my gosh you need to do xyz because I did and i feel great" what the crap i dont care HOW you did it WHAT you did and HOW great you feel. Im not you. Im fat. Your a size 6. Seriously? Why would I ever take advice from you. Have you been fat? 99 percent of the time they have not. They SAY oh yes i was a size 12 OMG SOUND THE ALARM YOU WERE A NORMAL SIZE.

Im not discounting ANYONE'S hard work. Anyone's drive and motivation to loose weight, but when you are a size 12 and get to a size 6 , in my book, thats nothing. Thats like saying I was thin but wanted to be more thin. When you are a size 22 and get to a size 6 THEN that is who i want to talk to. Because thats who truly went from being unhealthy, overweight, to in shape and those are the inspirations.

So ... motivation... find someone that has overcome something and use them as your motivation to get yourself to a better place.

I  would say im off to work out, but that would be a lie. So I am off to play on facebook and find my motivation.

xox
Steph

Menu planning

I. hate.to.menu.plan.

Is that clear enough? Its annoying. Its over-achieving. And let's face it, for those that know me, I am NOT organized enough. I am good to get out of bed and put on some clothing and my slippers most days. I work from home so who needs makeup and fancy clothing? Not this girl.

I see all these blogs about monthly menu planning. And I tried it. In fact I posted it on my other page about coupons. It worked GREAT for about a week. Then I was like screw this. And out the window it went. It was a great idea, great concept, not for me.

So here's what I do. Because I actually have a system that works for me.

Breakfast each day is my Isagenix Shake ( super easy and very good and filling)

Snacks- each week i see whats on sale at Kroger in the veggie and fruit dept. Thats what i go with. I take it week to week. Some weeks i get grapes, some i get apples. I get enough for just the week. Thats it. And usually its enough for 3 days and then i go back so it doesnt go bad.

I also will snack on frozen veggies. I buy them whey they are 10 for 10.00 so i can get tons of veggies for very little out of pocket. And please, dont lecture me on why the hell i should buy fresh and organic- i honestly dont care. And you are wasting your breath. I cant afford it. Unless you want to buy it for me, then go for it.

Lunch- 50 percent of the time its Isagenix shakes. Others its a hot pocket, a sandwich , salad, veggies whatever. I do not stress on lunch. Why? Why beat yourself up over it. Its just LUNCH.

Dinner- now here's were it gets interesting. I love to cook. I love to bake. Some things turn out great, others.... well let's just say im glad I have not poisoned myself or my husband yet. But I do not know what im having for dinner till the day before or the day of. I understand, you have kids, you have a job, you dont have time to think about dinner. So just do it the night before.

Now for a fat girl , you would think I would sit and really write all this out and menu plan so i dont "overeat" yeah no. I am not that girl. This works for me. Dont beat yourself up. I used to get so mad at myself for not following "The plan" that i ended up eating crap just because i was stressed. Or because i gave up. Or because the dog peed on the carpet. Whatever floats your boat.

Anywho some of the best recipes I have now are from just trying new things. You are on a diet too? Great. Dont say "I can only have carrots and some salad" thats BULLPOOPY and you know. Eat food. Eat real food. Eat dinner. Just eat it BETTER.

Here's what I say to myself- ooo i can have that big mac and fries and well there goes ALL today's calories for meals.. or i can have a hamburger i made myself , sans the bread, with all the fixin's and some homemade french fries baked ( not fried) and dessert for half the amount of calories i was going to eat in just the big mac and fries ( and coke b/c you know you cant get water thats just silly)

Or , make that late night Taco bell run but get off the FRESCA ( or fresco or whatever the hell it is) menu. Its lighter, just as tasty ( i tried it the other night) and you can have your craving.

xoxo
Steph

I miss you

Yep. I miss you. What exactly do I miss?

I miss fast food. I miss chips. I miss late night taco bell runs. I miss french fries. I miss going to the fridge and just picking up something and not thinking about it.

But, I also miss the jeans I had finally started to fit into. I miss the fact that I was not afraid to wear said jeans in public and know I was starting to look good. I miss not being afraid to be in pictures, and then wondering when said picture was going to show up on the internet.

Im fat. That is all there is to it. I started out fat, lost weight, got fat again. I have been dieting since i was in jr high. How sad is that?!? However, back then I was dieting because of self worth and boys. Today I am dieting to be able to get pregnant and be healthy ( and yes ok ok look damn hot in a pair of jeans) My how times have changed.The one thing that has not changed is how hard diets are.

I should have started this almost 2 months ago. Thats when I started changing my life and eating better etc. But for some reason, I didn't. Probably because every time before when I said I was changing, I never meant it. I would start a blog, journal, whatever, and never stick with it past a week, maybe 2. This time I have. And its hard. I wont lie.

So this time, I am going to put myself out there. And post a before picture of me. This is me at my highest weight which is what i pretty much started off at before this 2 months. Ill post a new picture at my 2 month mark.

This was taken in Hawaii in March of this year 2013. I dont have any full shots of myself from my highest... well because um yeah I AM FAT. But you get the picture.

Anyways. To date i have lost about 11 lbs. I have not weighed since month 2 week 2 because of bloating from my oh so wonderful period. And I know that i have gained/lost/gained/lost this past 2 weeks because of the water weight. So I am waiting to weigh myself for another week. Im hoping to be down at least 2 more lbs but id love to be down to 15 lbs overall.

I have a long way to go. Long. But i know i will be there.

My inspiration is many things, as is my motivation. But the top two - Inspiration- My friend Tish. She is amazing. She has lost a whole PERSON and looks so wonderful. And sticks with it. And every time I see her ( which is often we are neighbors as well as friends) she just continues to get smaller and smaller. I am so incredibly proud of her. She's an amazing friend , woman, wife, mother... and I am honored to call her my friend.

My motivation- to have a baby. Alot that know me, know I want to be pregnant and have a baby more than anything. And its hard watching everyone around me have babies. Seriously. Every time i turn around SOMEONE is having a baby. And some are having babies, that I dont think deserve to have a baby.... its mean and I know but im not sorry for the way I feel. So my  motivation is to actually get healthy and hopefully regulate some of my issues so i can in fact get pregnant. If not, to get healthy so that when we adopt, b/c I will adopt If i cant get pregnant, to be able to take care of a child that might have more needs then we will ever know.

Ok rambled enough in this post.

xoxox
-Steph