I miss fast food. I miss chips. I miss late night taco bell runs. I miss french fries. I miss going to the fridge and just picking up something and not thinking about it.
But, I also miss the jeans I had finally started to fit into. I miss the fact that I was not afraid to wear said jeans in public and know I was starting to look good. I miss not being afraid to be in pictures, and then wondering when said picture was going to show up on the internet.
Im fat. That is all there is to it. I started out fat, lost weight, got fat again. I have been dieting since i was in jr high. How sad is that?!? However, back then I was dieting because of self worth and boys. Today I am dieting to be able to get pregnant and be healthy ( and yes ok ok look damn hot in a pair of jeans) My how times have changed.The one thing that has not changed is how hard diets are.
I should have started this almost 2 months ago. Thats when I started changing my life and eating better etc. But for some reason, I didn't. Probably because every time before when I said I was changing, I never meant it. I would start a blog, journal, whatever, and never stick with it past a week, maybe 2. This time I have. And its hard. I wont lie.
So this time, I am going to put myself out there. And post a before picture of me. This is me at my highest weight which is what i pretty much started off at before this 2 months. Ill post a new picture at my 2 month mark.
Anyways. To date i have lost about 11 lbs. I have not weighed since month 2 week 2 because of bloating from my oh so wonderful period. And I know that i have gained/lost/gained/lost this past 2 weeks because of the water weight. So I am waiting to weigh myself for another week. Im hoping to be down at least 2 more lbs but id love to be down to 15 lbs overall.
I have a long way to go. Long. But i know i will be there.
My inspiration is many things, as is my motivation. But the top two - Inspiration- My friend Tish. She is amazing. She has lost a whole PERSON and looks so wonderful. And sticks with it. And every time I see her ( which is often we are neighbors as well as friends) she just continues to get smaller and smaller. I am so incredibly proud of her. She's an amazing friend , woman, wife, mother... and I am honored to call her my friend.
My motivation- to have a baby. Alot that know me, know I want to be pregnant and have a baby more than anything. And its hard watching everyone around me have babies. Seriously. Every time i turn around SOMEONE is having a baby. And some are having babies, that I dont think deserve to have a baby.... its mean and I know but im not sorry for the way I feel. So my motivation is to actually get healthy and hopefully regulate some of my issues so i can in fact get pregnant. If not, to get healthy so that when we adopt, b/c I will adopt If i cant get pregnant, to be able to take care of a child that might have more needs then we will ever know.
Ok rambled enough in this post.
xoxox
-Steph
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