I just wanted to take a small moment to wish each of you that ever read my blog, a very Merry CHRISTmas. That's right. This girl does not wish anyone a happy holiday, nor say Merry xmas. Its not about that it is about the birth of our Lord. About Jesus.
This year, it's a bit more simple for us. We just do not have the funds to do things we used to do. It has depressed me beyond words, to not be able to do like I have in the past for others. I have been struggling to be in any kind of cheery mood the past few weeks. It seems, everytime I would take a step forward, I would get hit with another obstacle that would put me 2 steps back.
As I started month SIX this past Sunday, and was not able to go to church , as I slept through everything that day, I really struggled with even wanting to do anything. Period. But then I realized. I am in month six. God has brought me this far. Its not been just me, its been my faith, my hope, and God that has pushed me to succeed. Even in the darkest of times.
I truly hope that your Christmas is a blessed one. That you have enough to eat. That you get to say I love you to your family. That you do not take these moments for granted. I am looking forward to 2014 with Hope. Times might be incredibly tough for us, but I have Hope. I have Faith.
Much Love to you all!
Stephanie
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Baby Blues
This is an EXTREMELY hard post for me. But, after talking with several of my readers, I figured it was the time.
I have the baby blues. Not in the traditional sense, though.
I want a baby. I want to be a mom. Its my one wish , above all wishes, above everything I could ever hope for or want. I desperately want to be a mommy. To have someone that loves me unconditionally, needs me night and day, and that I can return that love and need.
So far, It has not been in the cards for me.
I have had female issues for a very long time. When I was younger, my period was so sporadic, I could go month's without having one. Nothing was ever on track. Then I had liposuction. And when I started loosing weight, it seemed that my period was back on track. Like clockwork!
And then it went all haywire again. In May of 2011 to August of that year, I gained 60 lbs (everything I had lost) and no period that entire time. Nothing. Nada. I was not overeating. I was not doing anything different. I went to my gyno and he put me on clomid and something else, i forget the name, to get my cycle back on track and me ovulating. Nothing happened. I just was tired all the time. I cried all the time. And decided I was not going to go through that again if I could help it.
And then... the unthinkable happened. My period started.... and NEVER STOPPED. For over a year i had a period. It never stopped. It was always just light spotting every day, all day, and then it would stop for like an hour, and then start again. It NEVER STOPPED. But it was never regular. I would have one day of super heavy and the nada the next day. I have been to the doctor. I have been to several. I have been checked out for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Twice. Nothing apparently was wrong with me.
SO i just accepted that this was how it was. It wrecked havoc on my marriage. I was so confused, sad, pissy even, and I felt horrible for being that way. I loved my husband but I had no desire to do anything with him. And it took its toll. On both of us. I couldnt express myself the way i wanted to. It just made me mad all the time to know that this was my life. I was beyond mad at everyone and everything. I just kept it to myself.
Then I started this journey. And now, I am back to hopefully being regular. I thought, silly me, that I was pregnant. Then my period finally came. Hard. While I am grateful for it finally being back on a regular schedule, I am sad that once again, no mommy I will be.
I am overjoyed by everyone I know that is pregnant. Do not get me wrong, I love them. They are my family, my friends. But I am still jealous. I am still upset. I still cry all the time over it. But I do not resent them for it. I just wish and hope it will be me making the announcement one day soon.
I know so many out there go through what I go through. Wanting what I want. Just know you are not alone. If I never become a mother the old fashioned way, it doesnt mean i wont be looking into other options. But , God has a plan for me. And one day i will know what it is.
Until then, I will just keep loving on everyone else's babies. And tearing up when I walk by the baby clothing in the store....
Steph
I have the baby blues. Not in the traditional sense, though.
I want a baby. I want to be a mom. Its my one wish , above all wishes, above everything I could ever hope for or want. I desperately want to be a mommy. To have someone that loves me unconditionally, needs me night and day, and that I can return that love and need.
So far, It has not been in the cards for me.
I have had female issues for a very long time. When I was younger, my period was so sporadic, I could go month's without having one. Nothing was ever on track. Then I had liposuction. And when I started loosing weight, it seemed that my period was back on track. Like clockwork!
And then it went all haywire again. In May of 2011 to August of that year, I gained 60 lbs (everything I had lost) and no period that entire time. Nothing. Nada. I was not overeating. I was not doing anything different. I went to my gyno and he put me on clomid and something else, i forget the name, to get my cycle back on track and me ovulating. Nothing happened. I just was tired all the time. I cried all the time. And decided I was not going to go through that again if I could help it.
And then... the unthinkable happened. My period started.... and NEVER STOPPED. For over a year i had a period. It never stopped. It was always just light spotting every day, all day, and then it would stop for like an hour, and then start again. It NEVER STOPPED. But it was never regular. I would have one day of super heavy and the nada the next day. I have been to the doctor. I have been to several. I have been checked out for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Twice. Nothing apparently was wrong with me.
SO i just accepted that this was how it was. It wrecked havoc on my marriage. I was so confused, sad, pissy even, and I felt horrible for being that way. I loved my husband but I had no desire to do anything with him. And it took its toll. On both of us. I couldnt express myself the way i wanted to. It just made me mad all the time to know that this was my life. I was beyond mad at everyone and everything. I just kept it to myself.
Then I started this journey. And now, I am back to hopefully being regular. I thought, silly me, that I was pregnant. Then my period finally came. Hard. While I am grateful for it finally being back on a regular schedule, I am sad that once again, no mommy I will be.
I am overjoyed by everyone I know that is pregnant. Do not get me wrong, I love them. They are my family, my friends. But I am still jealous. I am still upset. I still cry all the time over it. But I do not resent them for it. I just wish and hope it will be me making the announcement one day soon.
I know so many out there go through what I go through. Wanting what I want. Just know you are not alone. If I never become a mother the old fashioned way, it doesnt mean i wont be looking into other options. But , God has a plan for me. And one day i will know what it is.
Until then, I will just keep loving on everyone else's babies. And tearing up when I walk by the baby clothing in the store....
Steph
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Icemaggedon 2013
So, as I draw to the end of a week, and look to start my third week in month 5 tomorrow, I want to reflect back on the past 2 days.
I have been stuck inside my house.
It has iced over here.
Let's just say I almost have a completely clean and organized downstairs.
A lot of times before, when I would be in this situation I would sit down and eat. Because I was hungry? No. Because I was bored! I had nothing else to do. No where to go. So why not eat!
This past few days, I have wanted to do that. And I will admit, I did indulge in 6 chocolate oatmeal homemade cookies I made over 2 days.... and I did eat more bread then I am used to. But, I still kept myself from mindless eating. Only one day this week did I go over my calories by about 200 calories, and that was because I wanted the burger and tots ( homemade not from fast food) because our favorite Aunt was coming to visit. ( For those of you that know me, I have a very crazy female issue history so I battle this every day of my life. )
Anyways- I decided to focus on more productive things. Like making a tree skirt. Doing all the laundry. Cleaning my closet. Making cookies. Cleaning floors. Putting up the tree and decorations.
My advice to you is when you are bored, instead of going for food, grab some water and go start a task you have been putting off. You dont have to finish it ( just go to put in a load of laundry, change it over, clean a bathroom) anything small and put your efforts into that. You are burning calories ( extra ones!) and will get your mind off what you thought you wanted to eat.
I have 2 weeks left in this 5 month period. I am really hoping by the end of this 5 months ill be down 50 lbs. I wont weigh myself till the end ( I am forcing myself to do this because i want to see where I am but i wont) so I hope im on track. I will have end month 5/beginning month 6 pictures end of the month though. SO stay tuned!!!
Stay warm
xoxo
Stephanie
I have been stuck inside my house.
It has iced over here.
Let's just say I almost have a completely clean and organized downstairs.
A lot of times before, when I would be in this situation I would sit down and eat. Because I was hungry? No. Because I was bored! I had nothing else to do. No where to go. So why not eat!
This past few days, I have wanted to do that. And I will admit, I did indulge in 6 chocolate oatmeal homemade cookies I made over 2 days.... and I did eat more bread then I am used to. But, I still kept myself from mindless eating. Only one day this week did I go over my calories by about 200 calories, and that was because I wanted the burger and tots ( homemade not from fast food) because our favorite Aunt was coming to visit. ( For those of you that know me, I have a very crazy female issue history so I battle this every day of my life. )
Anyways- I decided to focus on more productive things. Like making a tree skirt. Doing all the laundry. Cleaning my closet. Making cookies. Cleaning floors. Putting up the tree and decorations.
My advice to you is when you are bored, instead of going for food, grab some water and go start a task you have been putting off. You dont have to finish it ( just go to put in a load of laundry, change it over, clean a bathroom) anything small and put your efforts into that. You are burning calories ( extra ones!) and will get your mind off what you thought you wanted to eat.
I have 2 weeks left in this 5 month period. I am really hoping by the end of this 5 months ill be down 50 lbs. I wont weigh myself till the end ( I am forcing myself to do this because i want to see where I am but i wont) so I hope im on track. I will have end month 5/beginning month 6 pictures end of the month though. SO stay tuned!!!
Stay warm
xoxo
Stephanie
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Top ten foods for me to snack on!
I had a few people contact me asking me what I "snack on" when I am hungry. Instead of eating a full meal. Or even just something to curb the appetite.
Yes i have heard all the nuts and blah blah blah stories. Sorry, nuts are for squirrels and not me.
I will tell you that I do not EVER drink my calories. In other words, I do not drink soda. I do drink coffee w/ creamer and whole milk, and the occasional flavored water with zero calories. But I mainly drink water. And when I think im hungry I will always grab a bottle of water and drink FIRST.
2nd- I try and stay away from carbs for snacks. When I say carbs I mean bread and pasta. These are MEALS to me. Not snacks. I do love bagels and will occasionally have half a bagel with some cheese.
3rd- no junk food. No chips, no cookies, no junk. This is not a snack. Its empty calories. You will be hungry 10 min later. Its not filling!
Ok so Top ten :
1. Cheese- I love cheese. Any kind of cheese. I will eat 1-2 ounces of cheese plain
2. Veggies- plain ( w/ a little sea salt) i love mixed veggies but any veggies will do
3. Yogurt- I like Yoplait apple turnover best. I do not like greek yogurt like so many others do though. But if you do, go for it.
4. Tuna- no mayo! I will have a packet of tuna with a little sea salt, a little grapeseed oil ( its good for you) and some pickles and eat it that way. Mayo is a no no though!
5. Salad- yes but the dressing is the tricky part. I use one from wildtree that is a make your own. Its the Italian dressing blend ( organic ) and then grapeseed oil (organic) and vinegar. I use very little but its good calories/fat versus slathering on the french dressing or ranch. If you want to use those use them in MODERATION. Dont just come in like a wrecking ball and overtake the salad. Use a tablespoon and actually MEASURE out how much a serving is and then toss your salad with it. You will get enough i promise! No croutons, no cheese on that salad either. I just want something to fill me up in between meals not be a meal itself.
6. Piece of fruit- usually a banana or a apple with a tablespoon of peanut butter. I try to not even use a full serving on PB b/c of the calories. PB is good for you as well in moderation. But pairing the fruit with the protein usually satisfies my sweet tooth and craving.
7. Popcorn- air popped with sea salt and i use the Natural Butter Grapeseed Oil from wildtree again. Healthy option and you get so much more then the bagged kind with everything in it.
8. Eggs- hard boiled eggs. I will eat one plain. Great protein.
9. Smoothie- I really love them. But only in moderation. Mainly b/c its calls for a lot of things like whole milk ( which I only drink) so I make them with water for my snacks. I use a half a cup of frozen mixed fruit and some cold water and use my Ninja. If you want one that is the creamy version, use the fruit, 4 oz milk and a few tablespoons of plain yogurt or vanilla ( or any flavor that would go with your fruit)
10. Oatmeal- I do not eat this that often. Sugars mainly in the oatmeal. But i always seem to have a lot on hand. I eat the Better than Oats brand ( yummy) and sometimes Quaker brands. Just watch the ones that are sugar sugar city.
OK I am sure some of these you knew. But this is what I eat. Somethings are not on here because I dont eat them as much as these. I just use my head peeps.
xoxo
steph
Yes i have heard all the nuts and blah blah blah stories. Sorry, nuts are for squirrels and not me.
I will tell you that I do not EVER drink my calories. In other words, I do not drink soda. I do drink coffee w/ creamer and whole milk, and the occasional flavored water with zero calories. But I mainly drink water. And when I think im hungry I will always grab a bottle of water and drink FIRST.
2nd- I try and stay away from carbs for snacks. When I say carbs I mean bread and pasta. These are MEALS to me. Not snacks. I do love bagels and will occasionally have half a bagel with some cheese.
3rd- no junk food. No chips, no cookies, no junk. This is not a snack. Its empty calories. You will be hungry 10 min later. Its not filling!
Ok so Top ten :
1. Cheese- I love cheese. Any kind of cheese. I will eat 1-2 ounces of cheese plain
2. Veggies- plain ( w/ a little sea salt) i love mixed veggies but any veggies will do
3. Yogurt- I like Yoplait apple turnover best. I do not like greek yogurt like so many others do though. But if you do, go for it.
4. Tuna- no mayo! I will have a packet of tuna with a little sea salt, a little grapeseed oil ( its good for you) and some pickles and eat it that way. Mayo is a no no though!
5. Salad- yes but the dressing is the tricky part. I use one from wildtree that is a make your own. Its the Italian dressing blend ( organic ) and then grapeseed oil (organic) and vinegar. I use very little but its good calories/fat versus slathering on the french dressing or ranch. If you want to use those use them in MODERATION. Dont just come in like a wrecking ball and overtake the salad. Use a tablespoon and actually MEASURE out how much a serving is and then toss your salad with it. You will get enough i promise! No croutons, no cheese on that salad either. I just want something to fill me up in between meals not be a meal itself.
6. Piece of fruit- usually a banana or a apple with a tablespoon of peanut butter. I try to not even use a full serving on PB b/c of the calories. PB is good for you as well in moderation. But pairing the fruit with the protein usually satisfies my sweet tooth and craving.
7. Popcorn- air popped with sea salt and i use the Natural Butter Grapeseed Oil from wildtree again. Healthy option and you get so much more then the bagged kind with everything in it.
8. Eggs- hard boiled eggs. I will eat one plain. Great protein.
9. Smoothie- I really love them. But only in moderation. Mainly b/c its calls for a lot of things like whole milk ( which I only drink) so I make them with water for my snacks. I use a half a cup of frozen mixed fruit and some cold water and use my Ninja. If you want one that is the creamy version, use the fruit, 4 oz milk and a few tablespoons of plain yogurt or vanilla ( or any flavor that would go with your fruit)
10. Oatmeal- I do not eat this that often. Sugars mainly in the oatmeal. But i always seem to have a lot on hand. I eat the Better than Oats brand ( yummy) and sometimes Quaker brands. Just watch the ones that are sugar sugar city.
OK I am sure some of these you knew. But this is what I eat. Somethings are not on here because I dont eat them as much as these. I just use my head peeps.
xoxo
steph
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
I am worth it {warning underwear picture}
Yes... I am.
Im half way through month 5. Not much change really. But i can tell my clothes are fitting better.
And before you get all snooty about me putting a picture of me in my underwear on here and nothing else, I have censored anything that could be seen. There is nothing wrong with the body like this. People wear bikini's all the time that show more than I am showing. I am doing this b/c I am PROUD of me and my body and my progress. Im not perfect by any means, no one is, but until you can be comfortable with yourself and the skin you are in, you will never truly be happy with yourself. I am happy with me- but working on being healthy and in shape. So keep that in mind please ;)
Im posting this for several reasons.
1. Because this is truly how I look sans clothing and even though you might not be able to tell a difference in this I can. That back roll has really gone down. You see that pouch in the front where my panties are? Thats from liposuction 2 years ago. It has drawn up even more and my skin is starting to tighten up more and more.
2. To show you that clothing can be kind of deceiving when seeing weight loss pictures.
3. To show everyone out there that YOU ARE WORTH IT. I was going to write things on my body like so many do, but why? Why point out anything when I know I am worth it already.
I am down around 40 lbs and am kind of in a rut. Ive been loosing inches and firming up the past 2 weeks but the scale has not budged.
Remember that the next time you look into the mirror and see a pudge here, or a lump there, or whatever it is you see- that that is just your body it is not WHO YOU truly are inside.
xoxo
Steph
Im half way through month 5. Not much change really. But i can tell my clothes are fitting better.
And before you get all snooty about me putting a picture of me in my underwear on here and nothing else, I have censored anything that could be seen. There is nothing wrong with the body like this. People wear bikini's all the time that show more than I am showing. I am doing this b/c I am PROUD of me and my body and my progress. Im not perfect by any means, no one is, but until you can be comfortable with yourself and the skin you are in, you will never truly be happy with yourself. I am happy with me- but working on being healthy and in shape. So keep that in mind please ;)
1. Because this is truly how I look sans clothing and even though you might not be able to tell a difference in this I can. That back roll has really gone down. You see that pouch in the front where my panties are? Thats from liposuction 2 years ago. It has drawn up even more and my skin is starting to tighten up more and more.
2. To show you that clothing can be kind of deceiving when seeing weight loss pictures.
3. To show everyone out there that YOU ARE WORTH IT. I was going to write things on my body like so many do, but why? Why point out anything when I know I am worth it already.
I am down around 40 lbs and am kind of in a rut. Ive been loosing inches and firming up the past 2 weeks but the scale has not budged.
Remember that the next time you look into the mirror and see a pudge here, or a lump there, or whatever it is you see- that that is just your body it is not WHO YOU truly are inside.
xoxo
Steph
Friday, November 29, 2013
Turkey Day!!!
So, the first of the holiday's are now behind us. Turkey day. Thanksgiving. Whatever you call it. I call it " Holy crap that's a lot of food" day.
I survived. Did you?
But now I have a 2nd Thanksgiving feast coming up tomorrow. My family postponed our family meal due to my brother having to go out of town for the Arkansas vs LSU game (I don't want to go into that fiasco but GO HOGS) for work. So now I have to survive another meal. This time at my families house. Which is a lot more laid back to me, then when I was at my friends for her families Thanksgiving. Which was wonderful. Yummy food, and I got to spend time with her and her family.
I actually did rather well only consuming a total of around 900 calories ( which is damn good for Thanksgiving if i do say so myself)
Tomorrow ALSO ends week 2 in month 5. So big deal for me.
Next year at this time I want to be at my goal weight ( or very close to it) which is totally do-able the rate im going. I know I will hit some stopping points and have re-assess the situation ( more cardio, different foods etc)
But I have to say, being able to spend time with my friends and family trumped any food any day.
I am thankful for everyone that has been what I consider my extended family. Because my friends are just that. This year has been a LOT of downs, with very few highs, and without them it would have been a lot bleaker. A lot.
Everyone did their 30 days of Thankful things on facebook. I did not. I have not had a good track record of sticking with things like that. So I am going to share what I am thankful for. Its not 30 things. But its the most important.
1. I am thankful for my savior, the King of Kings, God Almighty. He's a forgiving and loving God. And without him in my life, there is NO WAY I would have made it through the past year, or past few weeks.
2. Family- I have seen how other families treat their children and am incredibly thankful that I have the mom and dad I have. I am also thankful for my lil brother even though we have had our own ups and downs. I now can call him a friend more than just a sibling. And for that, I am truly grateful. My grandma aka Memaw is one of my biggest supporters, fans, cheerleaders and one of my favorite people in the world. I am thankful that my family has stuck by me through thick and thin and forgiven my own mistakes and faults.
3. My extended family- my friends. Without them, I would have had a very dull year. Not to mention, very lonely time. I have a lot of good people in my life. That have checked on me and taken care of me when I was down. But i have to say a special thanks to a few very very important people- my neighbors- Tish, Julie, Sarah and Christie. I am TRULY thankful for these ladies. You never know who you are going to get as neighbors, and you can't pick them, and to be blessed with such wonderful ones makes my heart full.
4. My readers- without you , this blog would be nothing. If i can just reach one person and help them, then I have succeeded.
I have so many blessings, that sometimes I don't remember what the biggest ones are. The ones that count. Yes that new item is great, but to be thankful for it to me, is kinda silly in the big scheme of things. Yes I am grateful to have a nice home, nice things, etc. But when it comes down to it, I can live without chocolate, or fast food, or the next big "thing" but I cant possibly live without the things I mentioned.
God bless!!!
xoxo
Steph
I survived. Did you?
But now I have a 2nd Thanksgiving feast coming up tomorrow. My family postponed our family meal due to my brother having to go out of town for the Arkansas vs LSU game (I don't want to go into that fiasco but GO HOGS) for work. So now I have to survive another meal. This time at my families house. Which is a lot more laid back to me, then when I was at my friends for her families Thanksgiving. Which was wonderful. Yummy food, and I got to spend time with her and her family.
I actually did rather well only consuming a total of around 900 calories ( which is damn good for Thanksgiving if i do say so myself)
Tomorrow ALSO ends week 2 in month 5. So big deal for me.
Next year at this time I want to be at my goal weight ( or very close to it) which is totally do-able the rate im going. I know I will hit some stopping points and have re-assess the situation ( more cardio, different foods etc)
But I have to say, being able to spend time with my friends and family trumped any food any day.
I am thankful for everyone that has been what I consider my extended family. Because my friends are just that. This year has been a LOT of downs, with very few highs, and without them it would have been a lot bleaker. A lot.
Everyone did their 30 days of Thankful things on facebook. I did not. I have not had a good track record of sticking with things like that. So I am going to share what I am thankful for. Its not 30 things. But its the most important.
1. I am thankful for my savior, the King of Kings, God Almighty. He's a forgiving and loving God. And without him in my life, there is NO WAY I would have made it through the past year, or past few weeks.
2. Family- I have seen how other families treat their children and am incredibly thankful that I have the mom and dad I have. I am also thankful for my lil brother even though we have had our own ups and downs. I now can call him a friend more than just a sibling. And for that, I am truly grateful. My grandma aka Memaw is one of my biggest supporters, fans, cheerleaders and one of my favorite people in the world. I am thankful that my family has stuck by me through thick and thin and forgiven my own mistakes and faults.
3. My extended family- my friends. Without them, I would have had a very dull year. Not to mention, very lonely time. I have a lot of good people in my life. That have checked on me and taken care of me when I was down. But i have to say a special thanks to a few very very important people- my neighbors- Tish, Julie, Sarah and Christie. I am TRULY thankful for these ladies. You never know who you are going to get as neighbors, and you can't pick them, and to be blessed with such wonderful ones makes my heart full.
4. My readers- without you , this blog would be nothing. If i can just reach one person and help them, then I have succeeded.
I have so many blessings, that sometimes I don't remember what the biggest ones are. The ones that count. Yes that new item is great, but to be thankful for it to me, is kinda silly in the big scheme of things. Yes I am grateful to have a nice home, nice things, etc. But when it comes down to it, I can live without chocolate, or fast food, or the next big "thing" but I cant possibly live without the things I mentioned.
God bless!!!
xoxo
Steph
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
The Journey of one woman
I have had an AMAZING amount of response to my blog. I have had so many people comment , tell me in person, through messages and more of how proud they are of me. And it means the world to know I am making a big impact on the lives of others.
But I have no "secret power" I promise. There is no fast fix. I know, I have tried to do that.
Let me tell you a secret- I used to be the one that would sit and count calories and go "OK, so if I eat this much today, but burn this much, I can loose x amount of pounds this week" and it was something seriously off the wall like eating 1500 calories and then burning 3500 calories doing stuff like walking, working out etc. I had un-realistic goals and ideals. And it kept me from ever moving forward. Because I would NEVER do what I said I was going to do. And when I tried, it would wear me down. It would bum me out. And I gave up.
And I KNOW that some of you reading this ARE IN THE SAME BOAT. Stop trying to bail the water out that is rushing in faster then you can get it out. Get out of the damn boat with those holes and into another boat that is solid.
I sat down one day and said "OK I am going to do this. And I am going to do it the right way. " And I started using myfitnesspal to see where I was and what I needed to do to get there. It gave me at my weight, the number of calories I needed to take in to loose weight. It told me 1870 calories and I about crapped myself. Holy smokes! I have to eat that much and I will still loose weight. I was freaking out. But I did it. Some days early on I would be way over because I didnt realize what I was eating till I started adding everything up. Id have almost all my calories gone by mid afternoon. It took a lot of adjustment , trial and error, screaming, fit throwing, yelling, cursing, and other things to figure out how to adjust. And I have- slowly.
A lot of you ask what "diet" I am on- im not on any DIET. I hate that word. I use it sometimes to explain to people b/c they do not get "Healthy lifestyle change" they think im eating nuts and foliage or something crap. Yeah no. I am not a rabbit. And Id prefer not to use the bathroom 1500 times in a day.
So here's what I do plain and simple- I watch what I eat. I consume more protein, less carbs, more veggies and less crap. I use a shake called Isagenix for my breakfasts most days, and sometimes my lunch. I have tried a multitude of many things that never worked. This has for me. Its 24 grams of protein and uses water so I dont consume extra calories with milk. I also use their Isaflush and Natural Accelerator. I dont use them every day. Maybe 3 times a week. I also have used their vitamins for women and they have helped so much with my aches and pains associated with being overweight and not as active as I should be. I also should take them every day but I dont ( b/c i am the worlds most forgetful person) but they have helped.
I live off of about 50 bucks a month in groceries because I am broke. so i choose wisely what i get. I try to get eggs for snacks, i do eat pasta, but i cut the amount down and fill up on veggies. I eat a lot of veggies and fruits. Im a cheeseaholic so cheese is a big part of my diet. I eat in moderation. I have had pizza. I have had burgers. But i learn how to fix them to be more healthy. I have had candy too. Again- moderation. I cook for myself. I bake for myself. I dont depend on alot of pre packaged stuff ( but yes i still use them b/c they are cheap and i am broke)
And its hard. Im in month 5 now ( first week in month 5) and i still crave fast food. I still salivate when i see someone post some awesome recipes on facebook. I get envious of those that post they just went to so and so and had a huge burger, fries and a shake. But I know that its not for me right now. That in the future, when I have met my goal, and when I know how to eat better and make the right choices , Ill be able to go out and get something and not worry about it .... ONCE IN A BLUE MOON.
Im here for anyone. I know the struggles. I know the self image problems. The crying. The heartache of being so big you cant fit into anything you want. Of going to the amusement park and having the person tell you you are too big the seat wont accomodate you. Its HUMILIATING. So trust me, I know. But im here to tell you- you are amazing. You will overcome anything you put your mind to it. Ill help anyone any way i can. Im not a nutrition expert. I dont go to they gym ( at all) and im certainly not perfect, but I can listen. I can talk. I can be there for you.
xoxo
Stephanie
But I have no "secret power" I promise. There is no fast fix. I know, I have tried to do that.
Let me tell you a secret- I used to be the one that would sit and count calories and go "OK, so if I eat this much today, but burn this much, I can loose x amount of pounds this week" and it was something seriously off the wall like eating 1500 calories and then burning 3500 calories doing stuff like walking, working out etc. I had un-realistic goals and ideals. And it kept me from ever moving forward. Because I would NEVER do what I said I was going to do. And when I tried, it would wear me down. It would bum me out. And I gave up.
And I KNOW that some of you reading this ARE IN THE SAME BOAT. Stop trying to bail the water out that is rushing in faster then you can get it out. Get out of the damn boat with those holes and into another boat that is solid.
I sat down one day and said "OK I am going to do this. And I am going to do it the right way. " And I started using myfitnesspal to see where I was and what I needed to do to get there. It gave me at my weight, the number of calories I needed to take in to loose weight. It told me 1870 calories and I about crapped myself. Holy smokes! I have to eat that much and I will still loose weight. I was freaking out. But I did it. Some days early on I would be way over because I didnt realize what I was eating till I started adding everything up. Id have almost all my calories gone by mid afternoon. It took a lot of adjustment , trial and error, screaming, fit throwing, yelling, cursing, and other things to figure out how to adjust. And I have- slowly.
A lot of you ask what "diet" I am on- im not on any DIET. I hate that word. I use it sometimes to explain to people b/c they do not get "Healthy lifestyle change" they think im eating nuts and foliage or something crap. Yeah no. I am not a rabbit. And Id prefer not to use the bathroom 1500 times in a day.
So here's what I do plain and simple- I watch what I eat. I consume more protein, less carbs, more veggies and less crap. I use a shake called Isagenix for my breakfasts most days, and sometimes my lunch. I have tried a multitude of many things that never worked. This has for me. Its 24 grams of protein and uses water so I dont consume extra calories with milk. I also use their Isaflush and Natural Accelerator. I dont use them every day. Maybe 3 times a week. I also have used their vitamins for women and they have helped so much with my aches and pains associated with being overweight and not as active as I should be. I also should take them every day but I dont ( b/c i am the worlds most forgetful person) but they have helped.
I live off of about 50 bucks a month in groceries because I am broke. so i choose wisely what i get. I try to get eggs for snacks, i do eat pasta, but i cut the amount down and fill up on veggies. I eat a lot of veggies and fruits. Im a cheeseaholic so cheese is a big part of my diet. I eat in moderation. I have had pizza. I have had burgers. But i learn how to fix them to be more healthy. I have had candy too. Again- moderation. I cook for myself. I bake for myself. I dont depend on alot of pre packaged stuff ( but yes i still use them b/c they are cheap and i am broke)
And its hard. Im in month 5 now ( first week in month 5) and i still crave fast food. I still salivate when i see someone post some awesome recipes on facebook. I get envious of those that post they just went to so and so and had a huge burger, fries and a shake. But I know that its not for me right now. That in the future, when I have met my goal, and when I know how to eat better and make the right choices , Ill be able to go out and get something and not worry about it .... ONCE IN A BLUE MOON.
Im here for anyone. I know the struggles. I know the self image problems. The crying. The heartache of being so big you cant fit into anything you want. Of going to the amusement park and having the person tell you you are too big the seat wont accomodate you. Its HUMILIATING. So trust me, I know. But im here to tell you- you are amazing. You will overcome anything you put your mind to it. Ill help anyone any way i can. Im not a nutrition expert. I dont go to they gym ( at all) and im certainly not perfect, but I can listen. I can talk. I can be there for you.
xoxo
Stephanie
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Start of Month 5
This is going to be short and sweet. I am starting month 5 today. 11/17/2013. I have not weighed myself because I am waiting to the end of the month to do so. I have had a very rough past week, and the best part of it? I did NOT give in and pig out, eat fast food, comfort eat. And trust me, that is a BIG HONKING DEAL for me.
So here's a picture of me at my heaviest and then a picture of me today before i left for church
So here's a picture of me at my heaviest and then a picture of me today before i left for church
GOD IS GOOD!
xoxo Stephanie
Monday, November 11, 2013
{Almost} The end of month 4! Pictures of Progress
 | |||
| This picture is from the beginning of Month 4. |
 | |
| This picture is in the last week of month 4. Things are starting to shift around, I am down almost 41 lbs total. |
Im hoping the next month goes super well!!!
I'm Diving In
After a heart wrenching weekend, full of pain, heartache, and so many other things, I really started to question everything around me. My faith, my self worth, my usefulness.
And I know I am not alone out there. I have struggled with self-worth for a very long time. Obstacles will be put in my path, and I feel like I should just throw in the towel and give up. That I can't do this. It's too hard. No one would fault me for giving up , after all, I am facing a giant monster and I am just a human. It is hard for me to put this out there, and admit this, but I am imperfect and have made mistakes.
Shocker. Not really. Everyone always say's "Oh I know I am not perfect" but it never comes with the complete understanding, acceptance, that you really are not. That you are going to fall, numerous times, and not want to get back up. You are going to sit down and cry and wonder "WHY ME!" what did I do to deserve all this pain, this hurt, this incredible obstacle that has been moved into my path.
I have those days. I had one this weekend when something happened in my life that turned it upside down. I have been struggling for a long time with many things- weight, finances, self worth and other things. And I have had obstacle after obstacle put in my path. I have fallen many times, but have picked myself back up and fought my way to the top of one hill, only to find 10 more in the path. I have kept going. I have cried many nights, days, hours. I have called myself worthless. Useless. Unloved. Undeserving. I have been there people. I am here to tell you that you are NOT these things.
It took everything in my power to pick myself up off the floor after this last blow. I was angry, mad, hurt, and just wanted to die. Being honest here, because I know somewhere out there someone will read this and relate. And I want you to know YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THOSE THOUGHTS. It took some very good friends, many of them, being there for me and picking me up (literally) and loving me through the grief and pain to realize that I am worth more than those ugly thoughts.
I am diving into my life. I am choosing to continue forward, putting my faith in God. Putting my hope in the fact that he knows what mountains i have yet to climb and he's going to be my anchor. Its hard. Harder then anything I have EVER done in my life. But God will provide for me. He has brought me to it, and he will see me through it.
I say all this to say that i have one week left in month four. And Im diving into this week with all I have. I hope if you have an obstacle you are fighting, a demon in your life , if its food, death, illness, anything that you know someone is out there thinking about you. His name is God. And you have a lowly human loving and thinking of you too- me.
If you have never listened to the song "I Am" by Nicole Nordeman i strongly encourage you to. It brings me such peace.
God bless !
Stephanie
And I know I am not alone out there. I have struggled with self-worth for a very long time. Obstacles will be put in my path, and I feel like I should just throw in the towel and give up. That I can't do this. It's too hard. No one would fault me for giving up , after all, I am facing a giant monster and I am just a human. It is hard for me to put this out there, and admit this, but I am imperfect and have made mistakes.
Shocker. Not really. Everyone always say's "Oh I know I am not perfect" but it never comes with the complete understanding, acceptance, that you really are not. That you are going to fall, numerous times, and not want to get back up. You are going to sit down and cry and wonder "WHY ME!" what did I do to deserve all this pain, this hurt, this incredible obstacle that has been moved into my path.
I have those days. I had one this weekend when something happened in my life that turned it upside down. I have been struggling for a long time with many things- weight, finances, self worth and other things. And I have had obstacle after obstacle put in my path. I have fallen many times, but have picked myself back up and fought my way to the top of one hill, only to find 10 more in the path. I have kept going. I have cried many nights, days, hours. I have called myself worthless. Useless. Unloved. Undeserving. I have been there people. I am here to tell you that you are NOT these things.
It took everything in my power to pick myself up off the floor after this last blow. I was angry, mad, hurt, and just wanted to die. Being honest here, because I know somewhere out there someone will read this and relate. And I want you to know YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THOSE THOUGHTS. It took some very good friends, many of them, being there for me and picking me up (literally) and loving me through the grief and pain to realize that I am worth more than those ugly thoughts.
I am diving into my life. I am choosing to continue forward, putting my faith in God. Putting my hope in the fact that he knows what mountains i have yet to climb and he's going to be my anchor. Its hard. Harder then anything I have EVER done in my life. But God will provide for me. He has brought me to it, and he will see me through it.
I say all this to say that i have one week left in month four. And Im diving into this week with all I have. I hope if you have an obstacle you are fighting, a demon in your life , if its food, death, illness, anything that you know someone is out there thinking about you. His name is God. And you have a lowly human loving and thinking of you too- me.
If you have never listened to the song "I Am" by Nicole Nordeman i strongly encourage you to. It brings me such peace.
God bless !
Stephanie
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Week 1 Month 4 Weigh in and Pictures
I am down 31 lbs since i started. And i gave in and took pics. Not much change but it is for me. See the PJ pants im wearing??? I couldnt fit into them at all when i started.
First picture is this month!
This is month 3 start!
Not too much of a difference but i did put on the same shirt just not the pants and i tried to get a better picture of most of my body . Im getting there.
Here's my face- really not too much difference here
Picture here is from today ( no makeup on just me) i think my skin looks 10000 times better now then a month ago as well lol
This is from the beginning of month 3
Not too much of a difference but i did put on the same shirt just not the pants and i tried to get a better picture of most of my body . Im getting there.
Here's my face- really not too much difference here
Picture here is from today ( no makeup on just me) i think my skin looks 10000 times better now then a month ago as well lol
This is from the beginning of month 3
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Trick or Treat?
Yep, it is almost Halloween. The time when the aisles are loaded with every type of candy you could ever DREAM of wanting to buy. {including my favorite candy corn taffy}
Every year I tell myself- "I will be skinny by Halloween so I can wear one of those cute, all be it slutty, costumes that I see all over the place" And it never.ever.happens.
Truth be told, it is one of the reasons I avoid going anywhere for Halloween. Parties, the bar, club, out whatever. I hate having to find a fat girl costume. Or make my own. My mom or grandma has made my costume for many years because NONE of the costumes I find for my size are either appropriate ( because even though I want to wear the slutty ones I will not subject myself or others to that) or they are down right UGLY.
And it really sucks. Because I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween. It is one of my favorite times of the year. Im a sucker for a good horror movie and to be scared out of my mind. Love it. But I never want to partake in it anymore because of my size.
I feel like I am always on the trick end of the trick or treat. I always feel like I could be out there having so much fun, but my size restricts me from truly enjoying the fun.
This year is no different. I have lost some weight, but not enough to were I feel comfortable going to buy a cute costume. I know I can't be the only one that truly feels this way. Even if you are a good girl ( aka you know who you are) , there had to be a time in your life, deep down, you wanted to be bad for one night. I want to be bad.
Oh well, there is always next year.
Here's to a Halloween home handing out candy that I can't eat, and looking at everyone's kids dressed up in their cute costumes and wishing for the day when it is me, dressed up with my kid.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
XOXO STEPHANIE
Every year I tell myself- "I will be skinny by Halloween so I can wear one of those cute, all be it slutty, costumes that I see all over the place" And it never.ever.happens.
Truth be told, it is one of the reasons I avoid going anywhere for Halloween. Parties, the bar, club, out whatever. I hate having to find a fat girl costume. Or make my own. My mom or grandma has made my costume for many years because NONE of the costumes I find for my size are either appropriate ( because even though I want to wear the slutty ones I will not subject myself or others to that) or they are down right UGLY.
And it really sucks. Because I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween. It is one of my favorite times of the year. Im a sucker for a good horror movie and to be scared out of my mind. Love it. But I never want to partake in it anymore because of my size.
I feel like I am always on the trick end of the trick or treat. I always feel like I could be out there having so much fun, but my size restricts me from truly enjoying the fun.
This year is no different. I have lost some weight, but not enough to were I feel comfortable going to buy a cute costume. I know I can't be the only one that truly feels this way. Even if you are a good girl ( aka you know who you are) , there had to be a time in your life, deep down, you wanted to be bad for one night. I want to be bad.
Oh well, there is always next year.
Here's to a Halloween home handing out candy that I can't eat, and looking at everyone's kids dressed up in their cute costumes and wishing for the day when it is me, dressed up with my kid.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
XOXO STEPHANIE
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Shopping frustrations
Since I am in the middle of loosing weight, I have really wanted to avoid buying new clothing till I am down to a size I really need to do so.
Which is fine. Its winter. Sweatpants are the "in" thing right now.
However, if I wanted to buy new clothing, I couldn't do it at Wal-Mart. Why? Because apparently they think that all women over a size 12 want to wear unflattering mu-mu's and shapeless crap. Seriously. Have you looked at the selection of plus sized clothing there? Its sad!
And then on the other end, you have Lane Bryant- which while I do love their clothing, I can't afford to pay 70.00 for a pair of jeans. That's my water bill and a credit card bill.
Why can't there be a happy medium? I have honestly considered a time or two ( or 20), doing a plus sized clothing line for people that want style AND won't break the budget.
Listen up stores- women aren't all millionaires. We do enjoy being dressed up. But 90 percent of us have a budget, a very lean budget. You want to make money? Come up with a line that doesn't break the bank, but makes us look less like the good year blimp decided to go out to dinner.
xoxo
steph
Which is fine. Its winter. Sweatpants are the "in" thing right now.
However, if I wanted to buy new clothing, I couldn't do it at Wal-Mart. Why? Because apparently they think that all women over a size 12 want to wear unflattering mu-mu's and shapeless crap. Seriously. Have you looked at the selection of plus sized clothing there? Its sad!
And then on the other end, you have Lane Bryant- which while I do love their clothing, I can't afford to pay 70.00 for a pair of jeans. That's my water bill and a credit card bill.
Why can't there be a happy medium? I have honestly considered a time or two ( or 20), doing a plus sized clothing line for people that want style AND won't break the budget.
Listen up stores- women aren't all millionaires. We do enjoy being dressed up. But 90 percent of us have a budget, a very lean budget. You want to make money? Come up with a line that doesn't break the bank, but makes us look less like the good year blimp decided to go out to dinner.
xoxo
steph
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Making "Healthier" Desserts
Everyone loves dessert. Some people even eat their dessert first. I have heard many a older lady say " Life goes by so fast, have dessert first!"
And I have had my dessert first. Second. Thirds.... you get the picture.
I am not a sweets person by nature. I would rather eat a bowl of pasta ( or three) then have some cake. Even growing up, I would not eat a lot of my own birthday cake. ( but I would eat the frosting... yum!) But as I have gotten older, I have really started to enjoy baking. And making homemade goodies for my husband and friends.
Most cake mixes call for oil. Here's a quick tip for some of you that want to indulge in your family dessert after dinner with the kids and hubby- substitute the oil for applesauce. Not only is it much healthier ( make sure its unsweetened), but it makes your cake moist!
Try it!
xoxo
Steph
And I have had my dessert first. Second. Thirds.... you get the picture.
I am not a sweets person by nature. I would rather eat a bowl of pasta ( or three) then have some cake. Even growing up, I would not eat a lot of my own birthday cake. ( but I would eat the frosting... yum!) But as I have gotten older, I have really started to enjoy baking. And making homemade goodies for my husband and friends.
Most cake mixes call for oil. Here's a quick tip for some of you that want to indulge in your family dessert after dinner with the kids and hubby- substitute the oil for applesauce. Not only is it much healthier ( make sure its unsweetened), but it makes your cake moist!
Try it!
xoxo
Steph
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Food IS an addiction
Hi my name is Stephanie, and I am addicted to eating bad food.
If someone tells you that food is not an addiction, they need to do some research. It is. There is a group called Overeaters Annon. ( and I am not poking fun with my post its a serious issue). Some people just can not control what they eat. Its like drinking, or gambling, its an addiction and they need help.
I am personally thankful that mine never got to that point. I do know someone that did. And unfortunately, he would NOT get help. After begging, pleading, telling him he was going to die, nothing worked.
I love food. And really any kind of food I will eat. But I was not blessed with a high metabolism. And I am also addicted to bad food- fried food, lots of creamy pasta, bread and butter.... oh me. I love it.
This weekend I really did NOT watch what I ate. I had pizza. I had cheese sticks. I had 2 donuts. I had mac and cheese. All in one day. And normally I would beat myself up over it, and go "Well crap there goes my hard work." but this time I have told myself "Hey you had your fun day now back to work."
Everyone has issues. Everyone has an off day.
I start week 3 of month THREE this week!!!! And I am going to kick butt. I am looking for more healthy recipes. I dont want to say "diet" b/c I will not deprive myself of things. I am just looking for healthier options. And I am sure I am going ot have to tweak some of these myself.
Stay tuned for recipes and more. I want to meet my first LARGE goal by next summer.
Steph
If someone tells you that food is not an addiction, they need to do some research. It is. There is a group called Overeaters Annon. ( and I am not poking fun with my post its a serious issue). Some people just can not control what they eat. Its like drinking, or gambling, its an addiction and they need help.
I am personally thankful that mine never got to that point. I do know someone that did. And unfortunately, he would NOT get help. After begging, pleading, telling him he was going to die, nothing worked.
I love food. And really any kind of food I will eat. But I was not blessed with a high metabolism. And I am also addicted to bad food- fried food, lots of creamy pasta, bread and butter.... oh me. I love it.
This weekend I really did NOT watch what I ate. I had pizza. I had cheese sticks. I had 2 donuts. I had mac and cheese. All in one day. And normally I would beat myself up over it, and go "Well crap there goes my hard work." but this time I have told myself "Hey you had your fun day now back to work."
Everyone has issues. Everyone has an off day.
I start week 3 of month THREE this week!!!! And I am going to kick butt. I am looking for more healthy recipes. I dont want to say "diet" b/c I will not deprive myself of things. I am just looking for healthier options. And I am sure I am going ot have to tweak some of these myself.
Stay tuned for recipes and more. I want to meet my first LARGE goal by next summer.
Steph
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Finding Comfort in (Comfort) Food
When I was younger, like Jr. High/High School aged, If I would have a bad day, I would come home, grab the bag of chips, and proceed to eat the entire bag. I wouldn't even THINK about what I was doing.
Until I was done.
Then, I would feel like such a pig. I would literally get so mad at myself. And call myself fat. And berate myself, put myself down. It was a vicious cycle.
Then I would SWEAR and promise myself that no more.I would change. I would work out to work it off. Did it ever happen? Maybe once out of 7 days.
As I grew up even more, into young adulthood, and even into married life, things never changed. The cycle kept on and on. I felt like a failure each time it happened. I would then make deals with myself. With God. With whoever would listen ( usually the cats) that I would change the next day. But I never did.
Food has always been my comfort and go to "thing" when I am down and depressed. But the problem with that is I am also an emotional eater. When I am happy, I want to eat. When I am celebrating, I want to eat. I take comfort in food. And while that it is not a bad thing, when done in moderation, I did not watch what I did. I just continued on this cycle.
I still catch myself going to food late at night when I am bored. Knowing good and well I am not hungry I am just bored and can't sleep. It's something that I struggle with daily.
So I KNOW where you are coming from. If you need to, hit me up to talk when you are bored and want to eat. When you are sad and want to eat. I would love to be here for you.
Xoxox
Stephanie
Until I was done.
Then, I would feel like such a pig. I would literally get so mad at myself. And call myself fat. And berate myself, put myself down. It was a vicious cycle.
Then I would SWEAR and promise myself that no more.I would change. I would work out to work it off. Did it ever happen? Maybe once out of 7 days.
As I grew up even more, into young adulthood, and even into married life, things never changed. The cycle kept on and on. I felt like a failure each time it happened. I would then make deals with myself. With God. With whoever would listen ( usually the cats) that I would change the next day. But I never did.
Food has always been my comfort and go to "thing" when I am down and depressed. But the problem with that is I am also an emotional eater. When I am happy, I want to eat. When I am celebrating, I want to eat. I take comfort in food. And while that it is not a bad thing, when done in moderation, I did not watch what I did. I just continued on this cycle.
I still catch myself going to food late at night when I am bored. Knowing good and well I am not hungry I am just bored and can't sleep. It's something that I struggle with daily.
So I KNOW where you are coming from. If you need to, hit me up to talk when you are bored and want to eat. When you are sad and want to eat. I would love to be here for you.
Xoxox
Stephanie
Monday, September 30, 2013
McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut
Remember that song? The one you used to sing in elementary school?
I have it running through my head 24/7. All I want to do is go to them and pig out. Its like I cant get my brain to shut up about fast food.
I am in month 3 and just started week 2. I have lost 21 lbs. I am putting a picture of what I started at my heaviest and what I am now. Sorry for the craptastic picture but I am not a photographer. And excuse my kitten Roxy, who apparently was watching me while taking said picture.
This is me at my heaviest on my (free ahem) trip to the Dominican Republic from Scentsy. I was 320 lbs here. (omg I just said that didn't I !)
This is me now at right around 298 lbs ( yes im posting it and its terrifying but i dont give a damn anymore) Im tired of hiding behind my weight. I know i can do this. And i have to be willing to put myself out there!!!
And of my face
Please excuse me, its 1:30 am and i have no make up on lol And again cat in the back. haha
Anyways i just wanted to give a visual update. I hope to have another one at the end of October
xoxo
steph
I have it running through my head 24/7. All I want to do is go to them and pig out. Its like I cant get my brain to shut up about fast food.
I am in month 3 and just started week 2. I have lost 21 lbs. I am putting a picture of what I started at my heaviest and what I am now. Sorry for the craptastic picture but I am not a photographer. And excuse my kitten Roxy, who apparently was watching me while taking said picture.
This is me at my heaviest on my (free ahem) trip to the Dominican Republic from Scentsy. I was 320 lbs here. (omg I just said that didn't I !)
This is me now at right around 298 lbs ( yes im posting it and its terrifying but i dont give a damn anymore) Im tired of hiding behind my weight. I know i can do this. And i have to be willing to put myself out there!!!
Anyways i just wanted to give a visual update. I hope to have another one at the end of October
xoxo
steph
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Surviving the Road Trip
Its inevitable. You are going to have to leave your house and leave to go on vacation, a road trip, to your aunt frannies house, at some point in your life. It happens. And when you are on a diet, you dread the "how am I going to eat on this trip" and stick to what you have done so far.
I was seriously {seriously} concerned. I do NOT do well when I am away from my house. Especially being away and BROKE. But I managed to do it. I feel this, for me at least, is a HUGE pat on the back.
I took my meal bars with me. I took apples. I took 2 peanut butter sandwiches.Water. And I made it work.
I had breakfast before I left. I had an apple for a snack. I had water.
Lunch I had a meal bar and then a peanut butter sandwich.
Dinner, was another story. We went out to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. So many choices. So much I wanted to give into and eat. But I stuck with a safe choice- Salad. BUT not all salad's are created equal. Alot of them have a ton of dressing on it. I knew this was going to happen. But I want to enjoy my dinner. I opted to leave off the spiced pecans ( b/c I looked up the calories and it was shaving over over 200 for just 1 oz and because well ick lol) so my dinner was still around 700 calories. But It was ok. I was within my range for the day. That's one thing that I think a lot of people need to understand. Just because you are changing the way you eat, does not mean you can not enjoy something every now and then.
I did great on day 2. which allowed me to have a birthday cupcake at the Post at Play event I was at. And I WANTED that cupcake. I mean, who wouldn't?
Day 3 headed home was decent as well. I did opt to eat at McDonalds on the way home with everyone else. BUT instead of getting something huge and large, I got the snack wrap only. No fries ( which was very hard b/c I am a fry addict). And then when I got home because I was exhausted and had over 800 calories still available, we had taco bell. I just had crunchy tacos. ( ok so i had several crunchy tacos but i was tired. and hungry. and sunburnt)
All in all i never once went over my calories and actually stayed under my goal by quite a bit 2 of the 3 days. I call that a success in my book!
Almost to the end of month three week one. Its not getting any easier. I do not care what anyone says. When you are overweight, it is ALWAYS hard. Its full of temptations. I am just choosing to try and overcome them. One day at a time.
xoxo
Steph
I was seriously {seriously} concerned. I do NOT do well when I am away from my house. Especially being away and BROKE. But I managed to do it. I feel this, for me at least, is a HUGE pat on the back.
I took my meal bars with me. I took apples. I took 2 peanut butter sandwiches.Water. And I made it work.
I had breakfast before I left. I had an apple for a snack. I had water.
Lunch I had a meal bar and then a peanut butter sandwich.
Dinner, was another story. We went out to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. So many choices. So much I wanted to give into and eat. But I stuck with a safe choice- Salad. BUT not all salad's are created equal. Alot of them have a ton of dressing on it. I knew this was going to happen. But I want to enjoy my dinner. I opted to leave off the spiced pecans ( b/c I looked up the calories and it was shaving over over 200 for just 1 oz and because well ick lol) so my dinner was still around 700 calories. But It was ok. I was within my range for the day. That's one thing that I think a lot of people need to understand. Just because you are changing the way you eat, does not mean you can not enjoy something every now and then.
I did great on day 2. which allowed me to have a birthday cupcake at the Post at Play event I was at. And I WANTED that cupcake. I mean, who wouldn't?
Day 3 headed home was decent as well. I did opt to eat at McDonalds on the way home with everyone else. BUT instead of getting something huge and large, I got the snack wrap only. No fries ( which was very hard b/c I am a fry addict). And then when I got home because I was exhausted and had over 800 calories still available, we had taco bell. I just had crunchy tacos. ( ok so i had several crunchy tacos but i was tired. and hungry. and sunburnt)
All in all i never once went over my calories and actually stayed under my goal by quite a bit 2 of the 3 days. I call that a success in my book!
Almost to the end of month three week one. Its not getting any easier. I do not care what anyone says. When you are overweight, it is ALWAYS hard. Its full of temptations. I am just choosing to try and overcome them. One day at a time.
xoxo
Steph
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Month 3
This is going to be a challenge. Not only did I start month 3 off today, but I am leaving for 3 days to go out of town to Houston for something with one of my companies I work for....
Which usually means fast food heaven!
Its usually a given. You go out of town, on a long drive ( in our case 8 hours) and you have not many options. Most people won't go the length to pack a lunch, or snacks, that would help them. But not this girl.
Or at least, thats what I am attempting to do.
I have :
Apples
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches
Water
Isagenix meal bars
I am eating breakfast before I leave at 5 am. Lunch will be one of the bars. And we are going to eat dinner somewhere. I have asked as long as we have somewhere that has a salad.
Tuesday night is going to be a challenge. Its Perfectly Posh's birthday and they have goodies. So I have decided I will participate but I will NOT over indulge. I will bring me an apple and some of my Isagenix chocolate w/ green tea to keep me going.
I am determined to make this work. I have come so far, but I know I am human.
Not to mention, this weekend I have a vendor event where I will want to have a cupcake. And I am going to have that as my treat. So this week I have to be good.
Wish me luck!
Stephanie
Which usually means fast food heaven!
Its usually a given. You go out of town, on a long drive ( in our case 8 hours) and you have not many options. Most people won't go the length to pack a lunch, or snacks, that would help them. But not this girl.
Or at least, thats what I am attempting to do.
I have :
Apples
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches
Water
Isagenix meal bars
I am eating breakfast before I leave at 5 am. Lunch will be one of the bars. And we are going to eat dinner somewhere. I have asked as long as we have somewhere that has a salad.
Tuesday night is going to be a challenge. Its Perfectly Posh's birthday and they have goodies. So I have decided I will participate but I will NOT over indulge. I will bring me an apple and some of my Isagenix chocolate w/ green tea to keep me going.
I am determined to make this work. I have come so far, but I know I am human.
Not to mention, this weekend I have a vendor event where I will want to have a cupcake. And I am going to have that as my treat. So this week I have to be good.
Wish me luck!
Stephanie
Thursday, September 19, 2013
First Goal- made it... but not without a struggle
I am human. I wish I could say " Oh I lost 15 lbs in my first month and didn't change a thing about what I did."
And anyone that tells you otherwise is either full of crap, wants to sell you something, or is blessed out the wazoo. I am none of this. I am honest. It is HARD WORK. Anyone that tells you there is a miracle pill, diet, drink, incantation ... whatever it is and you do not have to work with it (exercise) is dishonest. I am sorry if this makes anyone mad... well no really I am not. Why lie to people? Why?!? Not only does it make you look bad, and makes me distrust anything that comes out of your mouth, but it hurts those that need the help.
I have 2 days left of my first two months and finally hit my 15 lbs mark. And it was HARD. All I did was thinking about, dream about, fast food. And cupcakes. And donuts. 24/7 I feel like all I wanted to do was just eat and tell myself " Well tomorrow's another day..." Because that is all I have done in the past. Screwed up one day, told myself I could just start again the next day, and then let it slide. Its a bad cycle.
So with that being said i have met my first goal of 15 lbs.
And i have finally gotten off my butt and walked my first mile.
Im exhausted.
And anyone that tells you otherwise is either full of crap, wants to sell you something, or is blessed out the wazoo. I am none of this. I am honest. It is HARD WORK. Anyone that tells you there is a miracle pill, diet, drink, incantation ... whatever it is and you do not have to work with it (exercise) is dishonest. I am sorry if this makes anyone mad... well no really I am not. Why lie to people? Why?!? Not only does it make you look bad, and makes me distrust anything that comes out of your mouth, but it hurts those that need the help.
I have 2 days left of my first two months and finally hit my 15 lbs mark. And it was HARD. All I did was thinking about, dream about, fast food. And cupcakes. And donuts. 24/7 I feel like all I wanted to do was just eat and tell myself " Well tomorrow's another day..." Because that is all I have done in the past. Screwed up one day, told myself I could just start again the next day, and then let it slide. Its a bad cycle.
So with that being said i have met my first goal of 15 lbs.
And i have finally gotten off my butt and walked my first mile.
Im exhausted.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Taco bell... my love.... where have you gone
Its almost 9 pm. I have had my dinner, and a snack, and drank plenty of water to fill me up.
I am not hungry. My stomach tells me so.
But my brain, oh my brain tells me otherwise. It tells me "You need that Taco Bell. Its just a taco or two. Go on, you have had a rough day. " This is what has been going through my brain for the past hour. Seriously. I keep stopping to pick up the phone, text my husband, tell him " Hey um so on your way home how about getting me some Taco Bell."
And then I stop. And I tell myself NO NO NO. Not only do you not need it, but you are not hungry. Its just your cravings kicking in. I want it. I want it bad. I want to just call up Taco Bell and tell them to put one of everything on their menu on order and Ill be there in a jiffy to pick it up.
I hate nights like this. I am so frustrated. Especially since today was an overall bad eating day in general. I have been craving anything and everything my fingers can get ahold of. I have went over my calorie goal by 600 calories today. In my defense i did clean which burned 702 calories so I actually still have calories left that I am supposed to consume ( not burn off) in a day.
And I try to ration with myself that I have these extra calories and they are there for me to consume. With Taco Bell of course. Its rational. It is reasonable.
I hate nights like this. Nights I wish i was already at my goal weight so i could just give in and have that Taco Bell. Its not one of those " Oh you have to indulge a little" days either. I have already indulged too much today. Im not depriving myself of anything, because I know its not good for me for one, and I know i dont need it for another. I just want it.
I think it might be bedtime. Otherwise I might start chewing on my couch. :/
I am not hungry. My stomach tells me so.
But my brain, oh my brain tells me otherwise. It tells me "You need that Taco Bell. Its just a taco or two. Go on, you have had a rough day. " This is what has been going through my brain for the past hour. Seriously. I keep stopping to pick up the phone, text my husband, tell him " Hey um so on your way home how about getting me some Taco Bell."
And then I stop. And I tell myself NO NO NO. Not only do you not need it, but you are not hungry. Its just your cravings kicking in. I want it. I want it bad. I want to just call up Taco Bell and tell them to put one of everything on their menu on order and Ill be there in a jiffy to pick it up.
I hate nights like this. I am so frustrated. Especially since today was an overall bad eating day in general. I have been craving anything and everything my fingers can get ahold of. I have went over my calorie goal by 600 calories today. In my defense i did clean which burned 702 calories so I actually still have calories left that I am supposed to consume ( not burn off) in a day.
And I try to ration with myself that I have these extra calories and they are there for me to consume. With Taco Bell of course. Its rational. It is reasonable.
I hate nights like this. Nights I wish i was already at my goal weight so i could just give in and have that Taco Bell. Its not one of those " Oh you have to indulge a little" days either. I have already indulged too much today. Im not depriving myself of anything, because I know its not good for me for one, and I know i dont need it for another. I just want it.
I think it might be bedtime. Otherwise I might start chewing on my couch. :/
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Motivation... what's that???
I have none of this so called motivation to get up and walk. Work out. Do my turbo fire.
Zero.
Zilch.
And I have no idea why. Oh wait yes I do! Because I will look like what jello looks like when you take it out and jiggle it. Before anyone gets all upset going " You shouldn't make fun of yourself" why not? Its the truth. Its my fear. I hate the gym. I hate committing to the gym. Why? Well one because I am broke and can't afford it. But the main reason is that I hate going when people are there. I just know I am being watched. Its unnerving. I honestly think I have mild panic attacks when I go.
I need motivation. But where do I find it. I want it. I can hear it in my brain telling me that I need it. But I just wont take the next step.
I am tired of all these blogs and all these facebook posts going on and on about how much they did and how great they feel and "Oh my gosh you need to do xyz because I did and i feel great" what the crap i dont care HOW you did it WHAT you did and HOW great you feel. Im not you. Im fat. Your a size 6. Seriously? Why would I ever take advice from you. Have you been fat? 99 percent of the time they have not. They SAY oh yes i was a size 12 OMG SOUND THE ALARM YOU WERE A NORMAL SIZE.
Im not discounting ANYONE'S hard work. Anyone's drive and motivation to loose weight, but when you are a size 12 and get to a size 6 , in my book, thats nothing. Thats like saying I was thin but wanted to be more thin. When you are a size 22 and get to a size 6 THEN that is who i want to talk to. Because thats who truly went from being unhealthy, overweight, to in shape and those are the inspirations.
So ... motivation... find someone that has overcome something and use them as your motivation to get yourself to a better place.
I would say im off to work out, but that would be a lie. So I am off to play on facebook and find my motivation.
xox
Steph
Zero.
Zilch.
And I have no idea why. Oh wait yes I do! Because I will look like what jello looks like when you take it out and jiggle it. Before anyone gets all upset going " You shouldn't make fun of yourself" why not? Its the truth. Its my fear. I hate the gym. I hate committing to the gym. Why? Well one because I am broke and can't afford it. But the main reason is that I hate going when people are there. I just know I am being watched. Its unnerving. I honestly think I have mild panic attacks when I go.
I need motivation. But where do I find it. I want it. I can hear it in my brain telling me that I need it. But I just wont take the next step.
I am tired of all these blogs and all these facebook posts going on and on about how much they did and how great they feel and "Oh my gosh you need to do xyz because I did and i feel great" what the crap i dont care HOW you did it WHAT you did and HOW great you feel. Im not you. Im fat. Your a size 6. Seriously? Why would I ever take advice from you. Have you been fat? 99 percent of the time they have not. They SAY oh yes i was a size 12 OMG SOUND THE ALARM YOU WERE A NORMAL SIZE.
Im not discounting ANYONE'S hard work. Anyone's drive and motivation to loose weight, but when you are a size 12 and get to a size 6 , in my book, thats nothing. Thats like saying I was thin but wanted to be more thin. When you are a size 22 and get to a size 6 THEN that is who i want to talk to. Because thats who truly went from being unhealthy, overweight, to in shape and those are the inspirations.
So ... motivation... find someone that has overcome something and use them as your motivation to get yourself to a better place.
I would say im off to work out, but that would be a lie. So I am off to play on facebook and find my motivation.
xox
Steph
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Menu planning
I. hate.to.menu.plan.
Is that clear enough? Its annoying. Its over-achieving. And let's face it, for those that know me, I am NOT organized enough. I am good to get out of bed and put on some clothing and my slippers most days. I work from home so who needs makeup and fancy clothing? Not this girl.
I see all these blogs about monthly menu planning. And I tried it. In fact I posted it on my other page about coupons. It worked GREAT for about a week. Then I was like screw this. And out the window it went. It was a great idea, great concept, not for me.
So here's what I do. Because I actually have a system that works for me.
Breakfast each day is my Isagenix Shake ( super easy and very good and filling)
Snacks- each week i see whats on sale at Kroger in the veggie and fruit dept. Thats what i go with. I take it week to week. Some weeks i get grapes, some i get apples. I get enough for just the week. Thats it. And usually its enough for 3 days and then i go back so it doesnt go bad.
I also will snack on frozen veggies. I buy them whey they are 10 for 10.00 so i can get tons of veggies for very little out of pocket. And please, dont lecture me on why the hell i should buy fresh and organic- i honestly dont care. And you are wasting your breath. I cant afford it. Unless you want to buy it for me, then go for it.
Lunch- 50 percent of the time its Isagenix shakes. Others its a hot pocket, a sandwich , salad, veggies whatever. I do not stress on lunch. Why? Why beat yourself up over it. Its just LUNCH.
Dinner- now here's were it gets interesting. I love to cook. I love to bake. Some things turn out great, others.... well let's just say im glad I have not poisoned myself or my husband yet. But I do not know what im having for dinner till the day before or the day of. I understand, you have kids, you have a job, you dont have time to think about dinner. So just do it the night before.
Now for a fat girl , you would think I would sit and really write all this out and menu plan so i dont "overeat" yeah no. I am not that girl. This works for me. Dont beat yourself up. I used to get so mad at myself for not following "The plan" that i ended up eating crap just because i was stressed. Or because i gave up. Or because the dog peed on the carpet. Whatever floats your boat.
Anywho some of the best recipes I have now are from just trying new things. You are on a diet too? Great. Dont say "I can only have carrots and some salad" thats BULLPOOPY and you know. Eat food. Eat real food. Eat dinner. Just eat it BETTER.
Here's what I say to myself- ooo i can have that big mac and fries and well there goes ALL today's calories for meals.. or i can have a hamburger i made myself , sans the bread, with all the fixin's and some homemade french fries baked ( not fried) and dessert for half the amount of calories i was going to eat in just the big mac and fries ( and coke b/c you know you cant get water thats just silly)
Or , make that late night Taco bell run but get off the FRESCA ( or fresco or whatever the hell it is) menu. Its lighter, just as tasty ( i tried it the other night) and you can have your craving.
xoxo
Steph
Is that clear enough? Its annoying. Its over-achieving. And let's face it, for those that know me, I am NOT organized enough. I am good to get out of bed and put on some clothing and my slippers most days. I work from home so who needs makeup and fancy clothing? Not this girl.
I see all these blogs about monthly menu planning. And I tried it. In fact I posted it on my other page about coupons. It worked GREAT for about a week. Then I was like screw this. And out the window it went. It was a great idea, great concept, not for me.
So here's what I do. Because I actually have a system that works for me.
Breakfast each day is my Isagenix Shake ( super easy and very good and filling)
Snacks- each week i see whats on sale at Kroger in the veggie and fruit dept. Thats what i go with. I take it week to week. Some weeks i get grapes, some i get apples. I get enough for just the week. Thats it. And usually its enough for 3 days and then i go back so it doesnt go bad.
I also will snack on frozen veggies. I buy them whey they are 10 for 10.00 so i can get tons of veggies for very little out of pocket. And please, dont lecture me on why the hell i should buy fresh and organic- i honestly dont care. And you are wasting your breath. I cant afford it. Unless you want to buy it for me, then go for it.
Lunch- 50 percent of the time its Isagenix shakes. Others its a hot pocket, a sandwich , salad, veggies whatever. I do not stress on lunch. Why? Why beat yourself up over it. Its just LUNCH.
Dinner- now here's were it gets interesting. I love to cook. I love to bake. Some things turn out great, others.... well let's just say im glad I have not poisoned myself or my husband yet. But I do not know what im having for dinner till the day before or the day of. I understand, you have kids, you have a job, you dont have time to think about dinner. So just do it the night before.
Now for a fat girl , you would think I would sit and really write all this out and menu plan so i dont "overeat" yeah no. I am not that girl. This works for me. Dont beat yourself up. I used to get so mad at myself for not following "The plan" that i ended up eating crap just because i was stressed. Or because i gave up. Or because the dog peed on the carpet. Whatever floats your boat.
Anywho some of the best recipes I have now are from just trying new things. You are on a diet too? Great. Dont say "I can only have carrots and some salad" thats BULLPOOPY and you know. Eat food. Eat real food. Eat dinner. Just eat it BETTER.
Here's what I say to myself- ooo i can have that big mac and fries and well there goes ALL today's calories for meals.. or i can have a hamburger i made myself , sans the bread, with all the fixin's and some homemade french fries baked ( not fried) and dessert for half the amount of calories i was going to eat in just the big mac and fries ( and coke b/c you know you cant get water thats just silly)
Or , make that late night Taco bell run but get off the FRESCA ( or fresco or whatever the hell it is) menu. Its lighter, just as tasty ( i tried it the other night) and you can have your craving.
xoxo
Steph
I miss you
Yep. I miss you. What exactly do I miss?
I miss fast food. I miss chips. I miss late night taco bell runs. I miss french fries. I miss going to the fridge and just picking up something and not thinking about it.
But, I also miss the jeans I had finally started to fit into. I miss the fact that I was not afraid to wear said jeans in public and know I was starting to look good. I miss not being afraid to be in pictures, and then wondering when said picture was going to show up on the internet.
Im fat. That is all there is to it. I started out fat, lost weight, got fat again. I have been dieting since i was in jr high. How sad is that?!? However, back then I was dieting because of self worth and boys. Today I am dieting to be able to get pregnant and be healthy ( and yes ok ok look damn hot in a pair of jeans) My how times have changed.The one thing that has not changed is how hard diets are.
I should have started this almost 2 months ago. Thats when I started changing my life and eating better etc. But for some reason, I didn't. Probably because every time before when I said I was changing, I never meant it. I would start a blog, journal, whatever, and never stick with it past a week, maybe 2. This time I have. And its hard. I wont lie.
So this time, I am going to put myself out there. And post a before picture of me. This is me at my highest weight which is what i pretty much started off at before this 2 months. Ill post a new picture at my 2 month mark.
This was taken in Hawaii in March of this year 2013. I dont have any full shots of myself from my highest... well because um yeah I AM FAT. But you get the picture.
Anyways. To date i have lost about 11 lbs. I have not weighed since month 2 week 2 because of bloating from my oh so wonderful period. And I know that i have gained/lost/gained/lost this past 2 weeks because of the water weight. So I am waiting to weigh myself for another week. Im hoping to be down at least 2 more lbs but id love to be down to 15 lbs overall.
I have a long way to go. Long. But i know i will be there.
My inspiration is many things, as is my motivation. But the top two - Inspiration- My friend Tish. She is amazing. She has lost a whole PERSON and looks so wonderful. And sticks with it. And every time I see her ( which is often we are neighbors as well as friends) she just continues to get smaller and smaller. I am so incredibly proud of her. She's an amazing friend , woman, wife, mother... and I am honored to call her my friend.
My motivation- to have a baby. Alot that know me, know I want to be pregnant and have a baby more than anything. And its hard watching everyone around me have babies. Seriously. Every time i turn around SOMEONE is having a baby. And some are having babies, that I dont think deserve to have a baby.... its mean and I know but im not sorry for the way I feel. So my motivation is to actually get healthy and hopefully regulate some of my issues so i can in fact get pregnant. If not, to get healthy so that when we adopt, b/c I will adopt If i cant get pregnant, to be able to take care of a child that might have more needs then we will ever know.
Ok rambled enough in this post.
xoxox
-Steph
I miss fast food. I miss chips. I miss late night taco bell runs. I miss french fries. I miss going to the fridge and just picking up something and not thinking about it.
But, I also miss the jeans I had finally started to fit into. I miss the fact that I was not afraid to wear said jeans in public and know I was starting to look good. I miss not being afraid to be in pictures, and then wondering when said picture was going to show up on the internet.
Im fat. That is all there is to it. I started out fat, lost weight, got fat again. I have been dieting since i was in jr high. How sad is that?!? However, back then I was dieting because of self worth and boys. Today I am dieting to be able to get pregnant and be healthy ( and yes ok ok look damn hot in a pair of jeans) My how times have changed.The one thing that has not changed is how hard diets are.
I should have started this almost 2 months ago. Thats when I started changing my life and eating better etc. But for some reason, I didn't. Probably because every time before when I said I was changing, I never meant it. I would start a blog, journal, whatever, and never stick with it past a week, maybe 2. This time I have. And its hard. I wont lie.
So this time, I am going to put myself out there. And post a before picture of me. This is me at my highest weight which is what i pretty much started off at before this 2 months. Ill post a new picture at my 2 month mark.
Anyways. To date i have lost about 11 lbs. I have not weighed since month 2 week 2 because of bloating from my oh so wonderful period. And I know that i have gained/lost/gained/lost this past 2 weeks because of the water weight. So I am waiting to weigh myself for another week. Im hoping to be down at least 2 more lbs but id love to be down to 15 lbs overall.
I have a long way to go. Long. But i know i will be there.
My inspiration is many things, as is my motivation. But the top two - Inspiration- My friend Tish. She is amazing. She has lost a whole PERSON and looks so wonderful. And sticks with it. And every time I see her ( which is often we are neighbors as well as friends) she just continues to get smaller and smaller. I am so incredibly proud of her. She's an amazing friend , woman, wife, mother... and I am honored to call her my friend.
My motivation- to have a baby. Alot that know me, know I want to be pregnant and have a baby more than anything. And its hard watching everyone around me have babies. Seriously. Every time i turn around SOMEONE is having a baby. And some are having babies, that I dont think deserve to have a baby.... its mean and I know but im not sorry for the way I feel. So my motivation is to actually get healthy and hopefully regulate some of my issues so i can in fact get pregnant. If not, to get healthy so that when we adopt, b/c I will adopt If i cant get pregnant, to be able to take care of a child that might have more needs then we will ever know.
Ok rambled enough in this post.
xoxox
-Steph
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